How to Walk

SassiquetteI just returned from a week-long vacation in Orlando, Florida. Between the amusement park lines and the last minute Christmas shopping lines, I’m pretty much done with crowds. People don’t understand how to walk in crowds, which is why I avoid grocery shopping and Costco on sampling days. Thank goodness, I don’t have to do the family grocery shopping or I may have to get a Xanax prescription…

One major sassiquette violation is stopping the crowd walking flow. You know what I’m talking about. You are walking with the crowd, whether it is to a concert, at the mall, or at Universal Studios right before Christmas, and the douchebag in front of you just stops. They don’t consider that someone may be right behind them. They don’t think that stopping with their douchebag posse ends up clogging up the flow of walking traffic and making you want to say some sassy remarks to them. However, you don’t say anything aside from “Excuse me” as you side step around them to get to your next destination.

Sassiquette Lesson #514: When walking in a crowd, move toward the side when stopping. This prevents people from bumping into you and audibly calling you a douchebag.

For the sassiquette violators, I am going to chalk it up to that fact that you may not be acquainted with the world outside of your bubble. You are probably booking it to the next fast food joint to stuff your pie hole, and that’s fine. Just move aside when you stop to text your parole officer, tell an unnecessary secret to your cohort in crime, or just for no reason at all. I get it, walking is difficult, and sometimes you have to stop to remind yourself to chew your gum.