2015 Resolutions

I forgot to post my awesome resolutions from last year, so I am making amends with these resolutions:

This year, I resolve to:

  • Toilet paper more friends’ houses while I am at their parties.  You are never too old to toilet paper.
  • Continue to dislike gin.  All gin tastes like barf.
  • Win a Halloween costume contest without wearing a Lady Gaga costume.  The costume is officially retired!
  • Siege the neighbors with the trebuchet we have in the backyard. Don’t ask!
  • Be less of a dick to people unless it’s the Sassy Scotch Drinker.  He likes it when I act like a dick.
  • Get liposuction.

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